I am so embarrassed to admit this, but I logged on late last night after having a friend over for cocktails. Our one casual martini turned into hours and hours of wonderful word exchanges and then I grabbed a fresh bottle of six grapes port out of the cupboard and before any of us knew it...it was empty, the candles were dimming out, and his fresh pack of cigarettes had morphed into a pile of mangled stubs and ash in the orange square ashtray.
In any case, I now vaguely recall sitting here typing this entry last night, but in all honesty I had thought I dreamt it when an image of it flashed quickly in my mind today, and only now when I sit to check emails and see 2 new comments had been added did I realize that it had been real. So what I'm really trying to say is that was my first buzzed/drunken blog post! Ick!
Not to worry, I can be dramatic at times, I'm sure I'll post random tidbits from time to time. It is true though that I am overcome with the desire to write in my neglected journal, and I somehow can't manage to do both, it's one or the other for me...all or nothing.
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Saturday, June 03, 2006
I mean...what's the point really?
No one reads this blog anyway...this may be my blogger goodbye post, perhpas it's time to go back to my hand written journals.
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
quiet day
barefoot on warm wood. a quiet grey sky. outside the branches bounce slightly under the wind but I cannot hear the rustling from indoors. so much time left at the end of the day to face the thoughts that tend to get pushed aside during the day.
Monday, May 15, 2006
it's the small things
the house smells warm...like sweet coffee and fresh cut lilacs.
there are lilacs bundled in antique vases in every room of the house, I carried them in from the blooming trees in my front yard.
we sleep in every morning lately until 9 or 10, occasionally turning to smile at each other and giggle before dipping back into a shallow stream of dreams.
a friend dropped in today to plant flowers in my yard, she was dressed in dirt-coated jeans and quickly took the shovel from my hands and began to unearth a shallow line of dirt. that smell of moist rich soil lifted to our noses as a light rain fell over our shoulders. her little dog sat at my feet whimpering as he stared up at me, leaving little hairs at the hem of my pants, this made me smile so I leaned down to shower him with the palms of my hands.
there are lilacs bundled in antique vases in every room of the house, I carried them in from the blooming trees in my front yard.
we sleep in every morning lately until 9 or 10, occasionally turning to smile at each other and giggle before dipping back into a shallow stream of dreams.
a friend dropped in today to plant flowers in my yard, she was dressed in dirt-coated jeans and quickly took the shovel from my hands and began to unearth a shallow line of dirt. that smell of moist rich soil lifted to our noses as a light rain fell over our shoulders. her little dog sat at my feet whimpering as he stared up at me, leaving little hairs at the hem of my pants, this made me smile so I leaned down to shower him with the palms of my hands.
Thursday, May 11, 2006
new photos
I've collected a few more images to add to my antique photo collection during my travels as of late. The majority of them are from northern california, arizona, nevada, the midwest, and upstate new york.
If you've visited before I recommend you starting at the end of the grids and work yourself backwards for the newer images.
springtime can kill you
the new Jolie Holland cd came out in stores 2 days ago...it's very dreamy + delicious! I was so disappointed today to find out that she will be performing 2 shows in San Francisco, now that I've moved to the other side of the country...oh well...what are you gonna do! I've got Ben Lee, Woody Allen, Asylum Street Spankers, James Brown, and the Preservation Hall Jazz Band to make up for it in the upcoming weeks so I'm not complaining!
Saturday, April 29, 2006
Sunday, April 23, 2006
yay!
just received my 3 day pass to the Gettysburg reenactments, and tix to james brown + woody allen and his new orleans jazz band at our local jazz fest! that's happiness!
that and doing yardwork into the twilight hours after having family over for a fabulous day...bliss this far.
also made a killer trip to an antique warehuse where we purchased 2 farm tables, 3 old wooden theater chairs, a rocking chair, a lamp, a cool painting of a girl and a dead dove on a table, civil war books, an old typewriter, and miscellaneous coolio objects and fit it ALL into one truck load!! yippee!
that and doing yardwork into the twilight hours after having family over for a fabulous day...bliss this far.
also made a killer trip to an antique warehuse where we purchased 2 farm tables, 3 old wooden theater chairs, a rocking chair, a lamp, a cool painting of a girl and a dead dove on a table, civil war books, an old typewriter, and miscellaneous coolio objects and fit it ALL into one truck load!! yippee!
Friday, April 21, 2006
happy, happy, happy
.sigh.
my cheeks are red from doing yardwork in a 72 degree hazy day.
who knew the thoughts and conversations one has with themselves when surrounded all day by complete silence save for the scattering of chirping birds?
I think I achieved closure with many suppressed thoughts and ideas that had been compacted deep into the back nooks of my mind. when I walk indoors to our cozy home the smile on my face is pure. you asked me how I felt and I slowly gazed at you and responded "...peaceful".
my cheeks are red from doing yardwork in a 72 degree hazy day.
who knew the thoughts and conversations one has with themselves when surrounded all day by complete silence save for the scattering of chirping birds?
I think I achieved closure with many suppressed thoughts and ideas that had been compacted deep into the back nooks of my mind. when I walk indoors to our cozy home the smile on my face is pure. you asked me how I felt and I slowly gazed at you and responded "...peaceful".
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
numb
It's all going away...empty mind. Tomorrow evening we're having a goodbye get together at my favorits 85 year old bar in the italian district. We will sit in the back corner booth for 9 hours. I invited over 60 people.
I try to make myself cry so I won't cry tomorrow and cause a scene. When I see friends get teary eyed I just look away lately...it makes me hyper for some childish reason to watch their eyes redden. I just giggle becasue that's the way I cope: avoidance.
The best I've got so far is that the far sides of my eyes hold a small tear, otherwise from the eyes down, I am numb.
I try to make myself cry so I won't cry tomorrow and cause a scene. When I see friends get teary eyed I just look away lately...it makes me hyper for some childish reason to watch their eyes redden. I just giggle becasue that's the way I cope: avoidance.
The best I've got so far is that the far sides of my eyes hold a small tear, otherwise from the eyes down, I am numb.
all is quiet
I am slowly watching strangers come into my home and cart off my posessions. They leave me a small stack of bills in their place, and the comfort that affords is fleeting and empty...like our apartment.
In a last minute panick I grab my digital camera and snap a few "environmental portraits" of the furniture pieces, computer equipment, or what have you...before they are carried out of my front door.
A melancholy has settled over me in the past few days. All is quiet in my mind. Of course its the first time since I can remember - that I wouldn't rather be anywhere but here.
In a last minute panick I grab my digital camera and snap a few "environmental portraits" of the furniture pieces, computer equipment, or what have you...before they are carried out of my front door.
A melancholy has settled over me in the past few days. All is quiet in my mind. Of course its the first time since I can remember - that I wouldn't rather be anywhere but here.
Friday, March 03, 2006
final countdown
It's almost time to go. The countdown has begun. 27 days. Every weekend booked with visitors until we leave. Friends flying in from out of state, relatives flying in from out of the country. Days packed with work and social outings.
Stood on the 36th floor of a building overlooking the bay at the end of Market Street today and the thunder clouds were heavy and grey, the carrier vessles sitting quietly in the water beyond the grey Bay Bridge. What a view, the bustle of the city below, cars twisting down the veiny highways criss-crossing through the city.
It's starting to hurt a little bit, for the first time since we bought the house, I feel tears brewing deep within. Driving our car out of the city, over one of the landmark bridges is going to rip my heart out and leave it dangling before my eyes. Maybe I'll have the strength to break off a piece and toss it into the bay, therefore always leaving a part of me here.
Stood on the 36th floor of a building overlooking the bay at the end of Market Street today and the thunder clouds were heavy and grey, the carrier vessles sitting quietly in the water beyond the grey Bay Bridge. What a view, the bustle of the city below, cars twisting down the veiny highways criss-crossing through the city.
It's starting to hurt a little bit, for the first time since we bought the house, I feel tears brewing deep within. Driving our car out of the city, over one of the landmark bridges is going to rip my heart out and leave it dangling before my eyes. Maybe I'll have the strength to break off a piece and toss it into the bay, therefore always leaving a part of me here.
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
south lake
Last weekend a pair of friends took Hubby and I and two other friends to South Lake Tahoe where they had rented a cabin for us all for the weekend.
We woke at 4:30am Friday and caravaned directly to the snowy slopes where I snowboarded the entire day straight.
I decided to not be as cautious as usual and went down the slopes with a fervor...first time down I hit a tree, then another time I hit the sign telling those departing the lift to keep moving out of the way. Lastly I hit a piece of bamboo meant to mark the boundary as to where you should stand out of the way...that one took me down and tangled me within myself and Hubby had to drag my knotted body along the snow out of the way of others as I was laughing way too hard to move myself.
We spent the following two days in a quiet langor and were rowdy and boisterous in the evenings, playing drinking games and card games until the wee hours of the night. Sigh.
Gambled a bit while sipping free shitty cocktails: my Cosmo's were a koolaid red and my gin and tonics were flat. We did a breakfast buffet and then headed home late in the afternoon Sunday. Hubby and I played 3 rounds each of 20 questions to pass the time spent in our car in the snowstrom where we managed to drive 5 miles the first hour, and 25 miles the second hour. 6 hours to do a 3 hour drive.
We woke at 4:30am Friday and caravaned directly to the snowy slopes where I snowboarded the entire day straight.
I decided to not be as cautious as usual and went down the slopes with a fervor...first time down I hit a tree, then another time I hit the sign telling those departing the lift to keep moving out of the way. Lastly I hit a piece of bamboo meant to mark the boundary as to where you should stand out of the way...that one took me down and tangled me within myself and Hubby had to drag my knotted body along the snow out of the way of others as I was laughing way too hard to move myself.
We spent the following two days in a quiet langor and were rowdy and boisterous in the evenings, playing drinking games and card games until the wee hours of the night. Sigh.
Gambled a bit while sipping free shitty cocktails: my Cosmo's were a koolaid red and my gin and tonics were flat. We did a breakfast buffet and then headed home late in the afternoon Sunday. Hubby and I played 3 rounds each of 20 questions to pass the time spent in our car in the snowstrom where we managed to drive 5 miles the first hour, and 25 miles the second hour. 6 hours to do a 3 hour drive.
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