This is me 2 years ago outside of my meditation room. Had not taken any self portraits for about a decade at that point. Now when I am sad I take a polaroid of my wet face. Last time I did that I taped it to my wall in my office next to my desk...to remind me. Only thing was that I couldn't quite figure out what those images were meant to remind me of. Now they are taped to my journal to remind me of what I have already forgotten when I am old and look back on them. I think they were meant to show me that I am not always depressed but I only understand that when I am depressed so what I really need to do is to take a self portrait of me when I'm happy to remind me when I am depressed that I will be happy again.3 days now. Of these crushing grey skies. They are heavy and weigh upon me. They murder me, I can only thrive in sun and warmth. But no new pictures this time. Only songs. Mostly blues.
3 songs to let you hear how I feel when words can't work:
one
two
three
Anyway, my husband will be home soon and he is taking me out to dinner and we will need to get dressed up. No special occasion, just that we both really enjoy excellent food and wine. And I'll order the assortment of cheeses with my port and espresso after the meal. I will paint my nails a deep red and find a lipstick to match. We will be silky and dark, our voices creamy laughter. The wine will drip and stain the white linen and that will make me smile.
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