My dad took off and left my mother with a newborn (me) and my 2 older brothers. He left her for a young rich girl who drove a fast red sports car and then married and had two boys with her. Before he met my mom he had a son with his first wife. Last I heard he was on his fourth wife and family (that was 14 years ago).
He wanted to meet my brothers and I when I was 10, so I saw him a few times over the course of about a year and a half??? The last time I saw him I was visiting his city doing a swim meet and staying with another family at a hotel where he was supposed to meet and take me out to dinner. He was very late and the family I stayed with very sweetly invited me to come to dinner with them instead and made up excuses for my father's apparent absence.
He then gave me $5 to go and get quarters and play the pinball machine. I obeyed even though I didn't want to play pinball, I wanted to be with him, so I hurriedly played the $5 worth and ran back to the dinner table to find him kissing this young girl. He was about 40. I walked slowly to the table and sat with my head lowered the rest of the meal. I didn't understand at the time why it made me so ashamed to witness that.
One day, 6 years ago, a friend of mine basically kidnapped me and drove me out to my father's city and pulled her car over to a pay phone once we reached downtown. She asked me my half brother's names and I told her a bit reluctantly, not knowing what she had in mind to do. We found one name matching the older boy so she put her coins in the phone and dialed his number then handed me the phone once it started ringing. Fuck. It was the answering machine and I was about to hang up but she grabbed the phone and pushed it back to me mouthing "leave a message". Ugh, you can imagine how that went.
After that I hung up and we walked around the corner to a church and although neither one of us is religious we entered it and leaned back in a wooden pew and talked for some time. Sitting there in the calm of that building with her made me so happy suddenly, because having a friend like that far outweighed the sadness I had felt that day over my father. The whole reason she took me there in the first place was because we were driving home from the Renn Fest (where we worked at that time) and I was telling her about a dream I had about him or something that bummed me pretty severely that day. She asked if I wanted to go and see him and I said of course....I think I do? She turned the car around, peeling out in a gas station and started heading in the opposite direction.
Anyway, these trees pictured have nothing to do with my story, they just feel like home as they are right outside my apartment. I needed something comforting to go with this entry.
5 comments:
what, i'm a bummer huh?
I heard someone ask another "how was your summer" yesterday and I felt like someone punched me in the stomach. I've been in a small funk the past week...PMS mostly. It's ok though, I embrace it as its good for my creative side, I take better pictures in this sensitive mood.
yeah, while I was typing that last comment, my little email alert sounded off and I smiled because I knew it would be from you...and it was.
hey - you're the only friend of mine who ever met my dad, did you know that? I've reminded my husband about it every night for the past few days. I tell it to him with pride and a big grin!
ive been through similar stuff with my dad. i have 2 sisters ive only seen once and that was 12 years ago or so.
i dont know if u feel the same but with me its like theirs a big part of my life missing without me knowing my sisters.
id also like to know why my dad chose them over me. i suppose i blame myself over it a lot.
its good that you have good friends and a husband to rely on. you are lucky. sorry my words arent much help. if u do want to talk any more my email is on my blog
you're very sweet, thanks for offering an ear. actually I mostly am curious to meet my half brothers. The wife of our oldest half brother from my dad's first marriage contacted us about a decade ago as a surprise to him but when he found out one day he got totally pissed and made her hang up and we never heard from them again, he hated our father.
Sometimes I just get a bit bummed but it's nothing like when I was younger, I am mostly curious these days and the internet can be a fun tool to find info out, I feel like a private eye. Actually I have a friend who is a private eye and she has not found his whereabouts yet, so I doubt I ever will.
I don't blame myself at all for my dads disappearance act, he's done it to 3 sets of children, it obviously all has to do with the women he hooks up with, he's weak and I leave it at that. If YOU ever want to talk too my email is also available. :)
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