I have a twisting knot in my belly I cannot shake since last Sunday morning, and now a small shower of paranoia rains over my head and it tightens my throat.
This sort of drama never used to happen to me in SF and it makes me wonder if people are just more sophisticated in larger metropolitan cities? ...yes I am sure they are to an extent.
Saturday evening I was at a party where the host couldn't keep his words to himself and began saying highly inappropriate things he wanted to do to me while my husband and his wife stood about two feet away, and I PRAY that she did not hear him, I PRAY! Although the anxiety settles in deeper this day because she is someone I see once a week through a mutual friend, tonight being that ritualistic night. Just now she was very cold in her interaction in an email with me and said she is unsure if she will be attending this evening, yet states no reason which is unlike her.
That's where the paranoia and catch 22 come into play. Do I bring it up? No, because if she didn't hear him leaning on me and saying those things or hear me whispering to him to shut up while shoving him away, then I certainly don't want to expose the situation to her. However, directly after this she kicked everyone out of the party who wasn't staying the night yet who still lingered there...within seconds of it.
Ugh, I feel nauseous over this and it's culminating today, almost to the extent that I want to flake tonight myself. To top it all off I've become used to having to listen to her sadly discuss how her man isn't very attracted to her anymore due to his partying lifestyle which leaves him worn out and tired at the end of the day. So this leaves me feeling an even larger burden because it makes me sad to see that her reasonings for it are all incorrect.
Anyway, I feel wrong discussing it at all, but I have to vent. I wish I weren't so sensitive to others, but this whole situation makes me want to cry ....for her...and I hardly even know her.
What to do...what to do...it's not even my fucking fault but I feel so crappy over it.
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