This constant grey rainy weather amongst other things stifles me. And now my burden is transferring to others. I dissolve smiles away from their faces for the first 5 minutes of being in my presence and upon realizing this I whip out whatever few strands of strength I might muster up to paste a smile upon my face. Then I instruct them to just ignore me.
Then I shift into auto-pilot and my soul backs out of my eyes and gets sucked down inside within my gut to darkness where it hibernates amongst the muffled sounds of chatter and forced laughter. But the body stays stoically still for which the soul is thankful. It is fragile and could never survive being jostled about. Come to think of it it's grateful for these forced temporary moments of resignation. Although it doesn't heal it in any way, it protects it from further destruction and death by the sheer numbing effect of the darkness in now resides within.
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