grandpa

This is my shrine to my grandfather who died on September 11, 2002. He let himself die that day because it was the first time he'd been away from my grandmother in many many years. We all believe that he didn't want to burden her with his death.

The only reason she was away from him was because she went down to the ceremonies they were holding for the plane that crashed in Pennsylvania on September 11 the previous year. That plane landed on her families property in Pennsylvania. My grandfather was too sick to make the trip with her but it meant a lot for her to be there.

He passed away late that evening. My brother, mother, uncle, and little niece and nephew were there with him at his house that last day. At one point that evening my brother said my grandfather walked by him and it made my brother shudder because he watched my grandfather slowly climb the stairs up to his bedroom and my brother thought he was a ghost. He could feel the death trailing behind him. It was as if he was already making his ascent to whatever awaited him on the other side. My brother ran downstairs and locked himself in the bathroom for a while until he could regain his composure to go out and be around his kids.

That night I was out at a show at Bimbo's with some friends who bought us tickets to see their favorite band. The main band hadn't even started yet and suddenly I was overcome with something heavy and devastating and stood up and excused myself. I whispered to my husband that I had to leave immediately and that I needed to be alone. He started to rise to accompany me but I pushed his shoulders down and sternly told him to stay, my eyes were beginning to water and I had to idea what the hell had overcome me. I had just been happily looking forward to this evening out with our friends, happy to see their band, etc.

In any case I left the venue and started walking, at first I thought I would just stand outside? But no, my legs kept walking, and an hour later I was home. My husband was there and looked up at me, he had gone looking for me against my wish and not finding me took a cab home immediately. He was kind of upset by my actions, but I had no explanation for him so we didn't speak that night and I just silently crawled into bed and turned out my light.

The next morning my mother called and told me the news. I hadn't spoke to any of them for at least a week or two prior to that day, so I never even saw it coming.